I'm thinking of how my mother is slowly fading with illness and age. I watch. As uncertainty and unrest envelope me, I decide to leave her side for respite. There is a walking trail nearby and I go for a walk. The brisk air revives me and I speak to life, asking why? It responds with the wind and a chirping bird.
As I walk, my thoughts on my mom, I consider the things left unsaid, undone, and unresolved. I ask life why? I hear the wind and the chirping bird.
My pace increases and I begin to cry. I thank God I have a tissue to wipe my tears and blow my nose. I think about the people I love, the people I know, and the people I have known. I realize my love is deep, my experiences many. I again, ask life why? I recognize the wind and the chirping bird.
I continue the pace. I take deep breaths and feel my body respond with vigor and splendor and I smile. I remember my mother loved to go on walks. She always said, "I love the wind in my face!" I do too, mom.
I don't ask why, for I understand.
I walk slowly. As I embrace the strength, teachings, memories, and wisdom of my mother, I ask life why?
It reveals something grand to sustain me. My mother, a walk, the wind, and the chirping birds. I find calm.
1 comment:
Ira Byock, a palliative care physician, wrote a wonderful book entitled The Four Things That Matter Most. Too often, we don't say to our loved ones what matters most until the very end, when we need to be saying it every day of our lives: Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.
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