Guilt

If you decided not to feel guilty how would you feel?  One thing for sure is that guilt is a heavy load. It interferes with one's thinking. It causes extra work, mental effort, and time. For some it's the result of what your religious teachings say, or something you learned in your formative years. Guilty feelings can manifest as how productive you are or how much you've achieved. It's the cause for much judgement from yourself and others. Ultimately, guilt is a drag.  On the other hand, there are those who never feel guilty. They have no conscious or sense of ethics. They can explain away all acts and move on with no feelings of remorse. They seem to carry less of a burden.

I can remember feeling guilty, after my transplant, for the burden I put on my family members and the medical personal who were responsible for my care. I believed my care was my responsibility. As I improved, the process of healing included finding ways to handle my own care. Once I took charge of my care(my responsibility), the guilt was gone. The guilt served as a catalyst for change for me. 

Coaching encourages a conversation about guilty feelings to determine their authenticity and relevance. Is the guilt learned or self-inflicted? Often the feelings are without merit. If they do have merit, the conversation creates a safe place to find the cause of the guilt, face it, and change the feeling into one that is useful and empowering.  If the guilty feelings have no merit, they can be dismissed completely. 

A friend expressed using the 12 step program to handle guilty feelings by making amends and absolving one of the misdeed. What else can help? How do you come to terms with your feelings of guilt? Maybe we can discover empowering ways by sharing and learning.

Have a guilt free week!

Needs

Seems like we are always finding ways to meet our many needs. We look to others for advice and support. Like when we go to the doctor for something that ails  us. There is a litany of issues for the doctor to address as you quietly hope that he/she will provide that much needed answer along with a prescription for the cure. "Tell me doctor, how do I fix this?" Please tell me so I can stop the worry and uncertainty.

Yes, the uncertainty. All days are filled with it. I found it alarming to realize that the doctors didn't always have the answer. In fact, after 12 years post transplant, I know that it's all uncharted territory because there are no case studies to refer to. I am the case study, along with others with transplants. How do I relay the isolation that  ensues? That knowledge that you are on this path alone. Daily you live the turmoil of the side effects of the medication, the physical exhaustion that accompanies all movement, the incredible desire to be well, and the constant knowledge that you are broken and needy. You know that you cannot survive without your medication and you want so bad to be free of it. Managing life is a challenge.

I recognize that, even with all my medical issues, while on this path alone, so are you. I know that the doctor is just trying to make it easier to sustain life. I know that everyone holds onto to others for support and insight as they come to terms with their plight. I understand the emotions that result for those with a new diagnosis. I recognize the fear and unrest of the sick and the aging. It's more familiar to me than it is for the young and healthy, but, I also know that they, too, will experience it.

What is this life that finds us alone yet among everyone? How do we answer life's continuous beckoning to create and be? How do we compensate for what we don't understand? How do we understand God in this?

"Although the world is full of suffering...it is also full of overcoming it."

Who are we in this?

Let's Develop

The day to day life and accompanying struggles eventually nags at some part of us and the result in a persistent urge to take action. Because we are a constantly evolving species we must acknowledge this need less we become restless, bored, tired, lethargic, angry and/or depressed.

Why do we forget this about ourselves--this need for change, variety, and stimulus?  Not accepting this sometimes drive us to seek relief and not always in ways that are healthy and fulfilling in the long run.

What if, when we are feeling like this, we took action is some form. Talking to your coach, starting a new project, learning a second language, taking a road trip, or even just totally reinventing yourself. Dr. Fred Newman and Phyllis Goldberg, in their book, "Let's Develop," talk about their Social Therapeutic Approach, in which, they say, "we can change who we are rather than a certain behavior." They discuss our need to develop and create.
What and who do we wish to become?

This week  join me in trying to conscioulsy take notice of that urge or need -and, do something about it that will recreate you!

Easter Sunday

The wind was blowing with fervor and the shining sun was illuminating the cloudy, blue sky as I walked along the trail enjoying the crispness of the day. When I believe in possibilities only good comes of situations in my life. Thus, the promise of a new day, of the death of the old, and the birth of the new.

Stories of resurrection abound, giving knowledge of renewal no matter what the perspective, idea, faith, or religion. It's exciting to know that we are always growing. No matter what. Think about those stories of faith, hope, growth, and renewal as you head into the week to remind you that, indeed, all is well. Add something valuable to your life by gently dismissing something that hinders you and embracing something that resurrects you.

Look around for possibilities...

Changing our habits

It's funny the way life works, in that, issues that require our attention are sometimes brought about by an event in our lives, or something we read, or something we hear. The topic hits a nerve and suddenly we recognize (not always) its effect on us. We notice that it bothers us. Many times we ignore it. It's when we look at it and evaluate it that we can initiate change and promote growth.

Recently, two events have given me the capacity to try and be aware of those moments and to act upon them.  I attended a Science of Mind group yesterday that allowed me some insight as to how to use those moments to heal and grow. The facilitator of the group spoke about one form of meditation called Shambala.  Shambala is a liberal form of meditation, in that, there are not rigid rules to adhere to. The focus is on your breathing. Any time a thought distracts you from focusing on your breathing, you immediately forget the thought and return your focus to your breathing. What this accomplishes is, a place away from your thoughts back to your breathing. You come to a state of quiet. The resultant awareness is that your thought or thoughts have no power over you. Thus, if you have a thought that continuously hounds you, if you will, you can just stop and concentrate on your breathing to dispel the annoying thought. You can do it with any thought that is habitual or disconcerting.

My second awareness came from a book I am reading. The author speaks about our "sick side and our healthy side." It his his premise that "there is a part of us, however small, that wants us to grow." Likewise, there is a part of us, however small, that does not want us to exert ourselves, that clings to the old and familiar, fearful of any change or effort, desiring comfort at any cost and absence of pain at any price, even if the penalty be ineffectiveness, stagnation, or regression."  Knowing this, we are faced with this question, which side will we nurture?

Ultimately, each one of us decides because we are all always growing. Understanding our choices is empowering. Since my transplant, and after seriously looking at my life for answers to many questions, I learned the necessity for changing habits. And, I have learned to be grateful for the ability to change. So, with that I leave you with a quote I recently read:

     "First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you!"

Have an empowered week...