Should

Marketing guru Seth Godin wrote a blog on Saturday about getting rid of the 'shoulds' in your life. So, I decided to pay attention to all the 'shoulds' I use. I made a commitment to pay attention to my thinking and become aware of when I am using the 'should' language in my life. It didn't take long before I realized the frequency of 'should' in my thoughts.

Then, I became aware of the feelings I got when I used certain 'shoulds.'  I discussed many of these feelings with my coach, and realized there were some 'shoulds' that I didn't need and there were other 'shoulds,' that served me. In actuality, there are some 'shoulds' that keep me acting on the kind of life I want. Can you plan your 'shoulds' and be okay with them? Then, just get rid of the 'should's that cause unease or dissention internally? I believe you can.

I throw out a challenge to you this week. Take a look at your 'shoulds,' 'coulds,' and 'woulds' and see how they are affecting your life.  Are you planning their use strategically, or, are they your strategy? Talk to your coach and friends. See what your learn.

Should you do this?

Writing history

Most of us start out healthy and full of life. For most, life follows a path that is full of learning, working, and growing into old age.  Along the way, while experiencing the victories and defeats, they follow the laws of nature and continue on until their natural rhythm slows and old age prevails.

Then there are those who find dis'ease' in their existence and succumb to negativity. Their thoughts do not bring life, rather, they invite darkness and victimhood.  They become sicker and sicker. They live in darkness until either the disease or old age prevails.

The clock ticks on and often neither pay attention to their course until something or someone triggers a change in perspective. Then, there is spiritual learning, empathy, compassion, and gratitute, via coaching, therapy, religion, research, or simply curiosity.

All the while creating life into old age, writing our history, becoming.

What do you think?

Pretending

I remember those days of healing after my heart transplant, and how very hard they were. There was pain, loneliness, questions, confusion, anxiety, and a whole host of other dilemmas that constituted the days and nights of my life.  No one could be with me 24 hours a day to share in all of it. And, that was a good thing because it gave me the space for learning coping skills. There is power in loneliness. Although that may not be the truest statement, I pretended it was. To combat my pain, I pretended it didn't exist. I called it's persistence an annoyance and created visions of comfort, relaxation, and calm. I pretended I was bigger than it and that it had no power over me.  When the haze of confusion set in, culminating in anxiety because of it's distortions, I said a few mantras, like: "God willing and me trying---I will get through this." And, "I am in charge of how I think---confusion has no power over me!"  The other dilemmas, many of a personal nature, were chances for me to review my life, all the mistakes, heartbreaks, and wins. Once they were put into perspective, a wiser perspective prevailed.

What's my point? I think you know--the power of pretending. It sure does come in handy. You can be anything you want to be when you pretend.  When you pretend your okay--you are. When you pretend your happy--you are. When you pretend your beautiful -- you are. When you pretend your well-- you are.

As you start the week, think about the power of pretending. Talk to your coach about it. Decide to pretend. Have some fun with it. Make it work for you.

Are you pretending?

Is it a change in the weather?

Out of sorts, not feeling well, foggy--all symptoms of the change in the weather. Your either coming down with something or your immune system is combating some bug that has already arrived. Add this to a condition already present, and the effect is magnified. Who are you in this?

Looking at your symptoms and how they are affecting you says something about who you are and who you will be in the future. A symptom may be reflective of more than one thing or event. Maybe your being called to address something. Illness is an interesting thing. It will sometimes manifest as a result of something within. To delve into it is to better understand yourself. For, you may discover the answer to the question, what is the actual cause?

Sometimes it's easier to look to others for support or distraction. Or you may bake a pie, watch a tearful or funny movie, go shopping, or take a walk. All in an effort to avoid what ails you. It helps. But, the questions remains. Is it really a change in the weather?

What do you really want to consume you? Illness?  Love?  Your creativity? October ushers in Fall, a new season. With every new season, as with every day, comes an opportunity to become all that you want to become. To make important choices. To set goals. Coaching is a catalyst for change.

Who do you wish to become?

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Let it be said

All that happens in your life, all that you endure, and all that you surmount speaks volumes. The effects can be felt by those close to you. The rewards and ramifications bring learning and wisdom. This becomes who you are.  Let it be said that the book of you is being written.

With coaching, because it leads to introspection, you might decide to become proactive in the writing of your book.  You may decide to change certain themes, or change certain characters, or write new chapters. You may declare to become more. To declare means to announce formally, to state positively or emphatically, to reveal or name, to make a positive statement. There is power in a declaration.

Let it be said that you are the author, the character, the publisher, the critic, and the reader.  As you declare their place on the page, your essence revealed, a masterpiece evolves.

Please, let it be said.

Creating a phrase

Staying peaceful is a challenge, especially in the midst of a busy day.  Through coaching, tips from friends and family, and reading, one can cultivate methods to keep calm. Devising strategies, planning ahead, and speaking regularly with your coach are good ways to ensure your continual progress and success. Sometimes situations cause upset to calm no matter how proactive and in balance you are. Are you prepared for those times?

Reviewing past reactions demonstrate how you respond during trying times. Using new language, quips or comebacks might help. Or, creating a meaningful phrase that immediately causes a shift back to balance; Like a mantra-or a saying.

Schedule some time this week to 'create your phrase for peace.'  Discover that mantra or saying that gives you pause and helps you recognize your out of balance and need a shift. It can be anything, "I'm okay," "I can do this," "I am in charge,"  "Om," "The world is on my side as long as I am true to myself."  Use whatever relieves you and helps you regain calm.

Sharing phrases that work for you can be helpful too. Please share, in the comments, any phrase that keeps you calm and in balance.  Your wisdom may give someone a peaceful day.  

Self encouragement

Don't ever be discouraged. Not now, not ever.  Why? Because you are too important to waste your time in negativity. When you notice that uncomfortable feeling, call your coach, talk to a friend, or take a walk.

One of the reasons that coaching delivers, is because a coach always encourages.  A coach is positive and offers assurance, peace, and calm.  When those feelings arise, and a coach is not available, always remember that you are.  You can encourage yourself.  A few blogs ago I talked about the importance of having strategies in place for self care. Realize that when your down it's important not to stay there. Sure, sometimes a good cry or a day of feeling sorry for yourself serves a purpose, but it's not a solution.  For continued peace and calm, learning to be your own coach and best friend is a worthy goal.

This week, take some time to think about ways to encourage yourself.  Ask your coach, friends, neighbors, and family members how they stay positive and encouraged.  Then, put in place some internal language, visualizations, and affirmations that will help you during those difficult times.  In fact, using self encouragement on a daily basis will help you avoid feeling discouraged altogether.

Imagine facing all your days feeling calm and at peace.  Wow, how cool is that?